Waiting For Superman
by HFrischmon
Summary: Spencer is completely lost in life. Toby has his life together, he has everything in order and everything he could ever want. What happens when they meet? Spencer finds herself healing because of him. But Toby gets the exact opposite, she ruins him. Please read to find out more. Bad summary I apologize.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I am so excited to be writing this story! I already have eight chapters written! I plan on updating once a week and I really hope you guys enjoy this story. Unlike my other stories, this will move very slow, so please be patient with me. This first chapter might not spark your interest, but I'm begging you to hang in there and trust me! Anyways, please read and review and I will see you guys next Friday!**

_She's watching the taxi driver, he pulls away._

_She's been locked up inside her apartment a hundred days._

_-Chris Daughtry _

I sat in the quiet café reminiscing about him. He would normally have his arm rested on mine, telling me about his day, asking about mine. It had been a year and I still felt his presence. I did everything I could to start over. I even moved to a different city. But it didn't matter. I was always thinking about him. What he would be doing. What he would be saying.

"Would you like some more?" The waitress asked.

I looked down at my empty cup of coffee. "Um. No, I should get going." I stood up, reaching in my purse, I dropped a ten on the table and left.

My phone buzzed as I stepped outside. I sighed as I answered it. "Hi Hanna."

"Hey Spencer," Hanna sounded chipper. "Do you want to come over tonight? We can watch movies or we could go out an-"

"I can't," I looked both ways before crossing the street.

"Why not?" She sounded disappointed.

"I-uh," I raked my brain for a good excuse. "I have plans with Aria."

"No you don't," Hanna caught me. "She's at my house right now."

I didn't know what to say. It wasn't the first time Hanna has caught me in a lie in the past few months.

"Spence, you need to do something," Hanna finally said.

"I'm tired. I don't really feel up to anything tonight, sorry Han."

"That's ok, you can just come over and sleep then," Hanna suggested.

I sighed, "Fine." If I get it over with, I can ignore her for another three weeks before she forces me to her house again. "I'll be there in twenty minutes."

"Perfect!" Hanna sounded beyond excited. "See you then."

I just rolled my eyes, slipping my phone back into my purse.

"Whoa!" I heard a male voice, as our bodies collided.

"I'm sorry!" I apologized after I spilled his coffee all the way down his shirt.

"It's fine, my bad," he shrugged.

I picked up his coffee cup, and handed it back to him. He was tall, blue eyes, very handsome. I tried giving him an apologetic smile before escaping behind him. I walked back to my apartment, all the way on the top floor. I packed a bag quick for Hanna's and then left again.

* * *

"Spence," Hanna broke my trance. "Did you hear me?"

I slowly peeled my eyes from my hands and looked at her. "No I didn't. I'm sorry, what were you saying?"

"What do you want to watch?" She asked.

"It doesn't matter, nothing scary," I suggested.

"You pick," she handed me her binder filled with DVD's.

I flipped through the book, nothing sparking my interest. "Here," I handed her one.

She gave me a look like I was crazy, "You know this is sad right?"

"Yep," I looked at her.

"Are you sure? I mean do you-"

"I'm sure," I nodded.

"Ok," she hesitantly got up, putting the movie in. "Do you want some popcorn?"

"I'm not hungry," I shook my head.

"Spencer," she tilted her head. "If you get any skinnier, you will be non-existent."

"I eat Hanna," I glared at her. "I'm just not hungry right now."

"When's the last time you ate?" She challenged me.

"I had a sandwich before I came over here," I lied.

Hanna sighed, plopping down next to me. Truthfully, I couldn't tell you the last time I had a real meal. I lived on coffee and whatever I could find in my empty cupboards. I think I had a handful of almonds at some point today.

I glanced over at Hanna half way through the movie. She had tears streaming down her face. A year ago I would probably be joining her, but I knew what real pain felt like. Not even the saddest movie could be a sliver of the pain that I feel everyday.

When the credits rolled Hanna looked at me, wiping her tears away. "How are you not crying?"

I wasn't sure how to answer that.

"I'm sorry," Hanna shook her head. "That was a stupid question."

"It's fine," I waved it off. "I'm tired," I pulled out my pajama's and went into the bathroom. I changed slowly, feeling like I was in slow motion. I could feel my medication wearing off. I walked back to my bag, taking out three pill bottles and taking one of each.

"What's that?" Hanna asked curious.

"Helps me sleep," I went to grab water.

"All three of them?" She asked.

"Yes," I threw the pills in my mouth and chugged the water. "Give it twenty minutes and I'll be out."

"Spencer," Hanna hesitated.

"What?" I asked laying down on the couch.

"I miss you," she looked at me with concern.

"What do you mean? I'm right here. We talk everyday," I reminded her.

"I know," she nodded. "I miss you," she looked at me like I should be reading her mind. "I miss your sarcasm and your witty banter."

For a moment I wanted to cry. I wanted to comfort Hanna and tell her I was going to return to normal soon. But I couldn't. All I could say was, "I know Hanna."

* * *

I had been meaning to go back to school. Go further into my education than just four years, but I didn't have the drive I used to. I finally did get a job though. I am now an assistant for the CEO of a huge manufacturing company. I am one of many assistants. But to be fair, he probably needs more than one.

I was grabbing him coffee in the break room making sure not to forget to had two sugars. "I don't know how people ruin coffee by adding unnecessary ingredients," I said allowed to myself.

"You better be careful with that," I heard someone behind me.

I turned around quickly, "Why?" It didn't take me long to realize why.

"You have a tendency to ruin nice clean white shirts with that," he smiled.

"Right," my lip twitched. "I'm really sorry about that."

He laughed lightly, grabbing the cup from me.

I looked at him confused.

"I'm Toby Cavanaugh," he stuck his hand out for a handshake.

"Like _the_ Toby Cavanaugh?" I squeaked. "The CEO and founder of this?" I pointed at the floor.

"That's me," he smiled.

"Hi," I shook his hand finally. "Sorry I was just getting your coffee, someone upstairs told me to bring it to you immediately. I would've gotten it to you sooner but, no one showed me where the break room was."

"It's fine Spencer," he stopped me.

"Ho-how do you know my name?" I stammered.

"Unlike most CEO's, I like to get to know all my staff. Plus you and I will be working together a lot so-"

"We will?" I blurted out.

He looked at me confused. "You are my assistant, you know that right? Didn't you know what you were applying for?"

"I did," I nodded. "When I was hired I was under the impression that you had a million assistants, and I was just one of those million."

"Not exactly," he shook his head. "Follow me."

I followed him out into the hallway and into the elevator.

"You had a very impressive resume," he looked at me.

"Not really," I blushed.

"Graduated from Stanford, first in your class. How is that not impressive?" He asked.

"Just because someone's smart doesn't mean anything," I shook my head.

"How so?" he questioned.

"Look where I'm at," I looked at him. "Not that I'm not grateful for this job, because I am. I guess I just pictured my life turning out differently."

"You know, you are pushing your luck. First you spill coffee on me, then you challenge me." He raised an eyebrow at me.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you. And I'm sorry about the coffee too. I was in a rush and I-"

"I'm kidding Spencer," he smiled. The elevator opened and he led me down another hall. "You keep me on my toes, I like that. I need someone to challenge me. What kind of business would I run if I didn't have someone questioning my every move? If you just sit there, nod and look pretty, this business will fall to ashes." He opened up the door to an enormous office. "This is yours, feel free to decorate it how you want."

"This is nice," I walked inside.

"My office is the next one on the right, so if you need to find me I'll be right there," he smiled before turning around.

"What do I do now?" I asked.

"There is a stack of papers on your desk," he pointed at the desk. "I need those filed in order by date."

"Ok," I nodded.

I walked over to my new desk, sitting down in the big comfortable chair.

"Oh Spencer," he poked his head back into my office.

"Yeah?" I looked up at him.

"You may have pictured your life turning out differently," he looked around my office."But I think you'll find that you can still find happiness in other places."

"And why do you think that?" My eyebrows crinkled in wonder.

He shrugged, turning around, he said, "I just know."

* * *

**A/N: What'd you think? Also I will try and leave comments to all my reviews I get!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks for all of your reviews! I am so glad people are enjoying it! **

**To Guest, Sarahschneider2012, Spobylover1237 thank you so much for your kind words!**

**To CaityCaites, Thank you, and yes he is her boss. I thought I would make it a little more interesting!**

**PS. I can't wait for Tuesdays episode! I've missed Spoby!**

_She says "Yeah he's still coming, just a little bit late. _

_He got stuck at the Laundromat washing his cape."_

_-Chris Daughtry _

"Here I got you your coffee, two sugars no cream. I filed all the paper from the last shipment yesterday. Did you get my e-mail about your meeting at noon?" I asked Mr. Cavanaugh.

"Thanks," he looked flustered. "No I've been swamped trying to figure out other things. What about the meeting?"

"I was just reminding you about what time it was at," I said.

"Oh, thanks." He gathered a stack of papers. "Can you give these to HR? I have a lot to do today and not a lot of time."

"Sure," I took them from him. I started to walk out, "Oh Mr. Cavanaugh?"

"Toby, please," he insisted.

"Toby," I corrected myself. "What else do you want me to do today?"

"I gave you time sheets to check over yesterday," he reminded me.

"I already did that," I bit my lip. "Last night."

"You took it home with you?" He looked at me baffled.

"I was bored," I shrugged. Truthfully, it was nice to have something to distract me. This job kept me from thinking about the emptiness I was feeling.

"You didn't have to do that," he looked at me with sadness in his eyes.

I laughed quietly, "I know."

"Well…" He looked around his office. "I guess you can relax for the next couple of hours. I want you at the meeting, taking notes of everything."

"Ok," I nodded. "See you there."

After I delivered the papers, I went back up into his office. There was no way I was going to sit around for the next two hours and feel miserable. I organized, dusted, vacuumed, I even sharpened all his pencils. I looked at my watch, heading up to the fourth floor for the meeting.

* * *

I listened closely writing down every detail I could remember. It wasn't fascinating work by any means, but it was better than the alternative.

The room cleared out around two. Toby sighed finally sitting down. He looked exhausted. "You ok?" I asked.

"Just stressed," he yawned.

"Is the business ok?" I wondered.

"Yeah," he assured me. "The better it does however, the busier we are. Just hard keeping up with it. We need to hire more people."

"That's good isn't it?" I asked.

"I guess," he shrugged. "I started out as a small business. I knew all my employee's. I knew everything about them, their family members, what their favorite color was, what movies they liked. Now I struggle remembering their first names."

I bit my lip unsure what to say. "As long as you're trying, I think that's enough."

He brought his hands to his eyelids, massaging them. He looked worn and tired. "Did you get everything written down?"

"I did," I slid my notebook over to him.

"Thanks for all your help," he looked through my notes.

"It's my job," I shrugged.

"You go above and beyond," he noted. He looked at me silently.

I had the sudden urge to crawl inside a hole with the way he looked at me. It was like he was trying to read me, trying to figure out what I was thinking. "What?" I finally broke the silence.

"You look nice today," he finally looked away from me when he said it.

It didn't sound creepy, and it wasn't like he was hitting on me. I think he was just being nice? I didn't know what to say. "What should I do now?"

"You can go home," he looked at me.

"You seemed stressed," I reminded him. "Are you sure there isn't anything I can help you with?" Anything but going home sounded good.

"If you want to be here for another five hours, I have quite a project," he laughed like I wasn't going to be up to doing it.

"I'll do it," I quickly agreed.

"Spencer, you don't have to do-"

"I want to," I begged. "I could use the distraction."

* * *

_"Spencer, please! Just try it!" He laughed._

_"No! I am not eating raw fish! That is disgusting and disturbing," I pushed his hand away from me._

_"It's really good I promise!" He laughed again. "Please you have to try it."_

_"No!" I pushed his hand further away from me._

_"Please," he begged._

_Those eyes. I couldn't. "Fine," I grabbed the sushi roll from his hand. I took the tiniest bite, closing my eyes. I held my breath trying not to smell it. I chewed quickly and swallowed not allowing it to touch my taste buds. "Happy now?" I opened my eyes._

_"How was it?" He asked._

_"Disgusting," I coughed._

_"You are so dramatic," he rolled his eyes._

_"I am not," I argued._

_He leaned in, softly pressing his lips against mine, "I love you," he breathed against my lips._

My eyes opened. My hand immediately went to my lips. I swear I felt something, I swear I could still feel his kisses. His ghost haunted me, even in my dreams, especially in my dreams. He was always in my dreams, or rather memories. And I always woke up. I just wanted to stay sleeping, even though it wasn't real, it was the only time I could see and feel him.

* * *

"How's the new job?" Hanna asked.

"Good," I took a sip of my coffee.

"That's good," she nodded. "So there's this thing tomorrow it's downtown and Caleb really wants me to go. It's a bunch of his buddies and I don't want to be the only girl. Will you come with me?"

"I really don't want to be set up with one of Caleb's friends," I glared at her.

"This isn't a set up," Hanna looked at me.

"You are getting better at this, but I can still see through your act. You are trying to play it off like you are the one in need of my company. But I know you would just ask Aria or Emily to help you. Plus you hang out with Caleb's friends all the time. Nice try Han," I smiled.

"You are too smart for your own good," Hanna sighed.

"I know," I took another sip. "I'm not ready to date Han."

"When will you be?" She asked.

"I'll tell you when I am," I assured her.

"You won't ever be. All you do is sit at your apartment and stare at the ceiling. He's not coming back Spencer, he's not!" Her voice got very stern.

I looked at her like I was just hearing her for the first time. "I know that Hanna."

"So why waste your days, sitting around feeling bad? Try to go out once in a while. Meet new people, make friends with a stranger, see a comedy! Just do something Spence!" She was beginning to look angry.

"That's easier said than done," I didn't want to have this conversation.

"You haven't even tried! You are aloud to say that _if_ you've tried. But you haven't! Spencer, I know it's hard for you and believe me I feel for you," she put her hand over her chest. "But you're wasting away! You might as well have died with him!" She covered her mouth as soon as the words were out.

I took a deep breath and stood up. I threw some cash on the table, "Believe me," I looked at her. "I wish I did."

* * *

**A/N: What do you guys think? Please leave reviews/Questions, anything! I will see you next Friday :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you so much for all the reviews!**

**Guest, Spobylover1237, Caitycaites, Thank you guys so much!**

**Tuesday's episode was awesome! Super excited to see Toby become a cop. That is going to be hot! I wish he was in the next episode L**

**Anyways… Enjoy this next chapter and please read and review!**

* * *

_She's just watching the clouds roll by and they spell her name, _

_Like Lois Lane. And she smiles, oh the way she smiles._

_-Chris Daughtry_

I woke up to a pounding at my door. My knees locked as I tried to get out of bed fast enough. "Coming!" I yelled. I scrambled to the door, rubbing my eyes. "Oh," I said as I opened the door. "It's you."

"Spencer! I am so sorry about yesterday. I feel awful about what I said, I didn't mean it. Please forgi-"

"I forgive you," I allowed her to step inside.

"Really?" Her eyes grew wide.

"Yes," I tried smiling. "I know you were just frustrated with me. Beside's everything you said was true."

"No, that's not true," she shook her head.

"Well… Either way, we're good. I'm not mad at you," I went back to my bed, crawling under the sheets. "What are you up to today?"

"I'm meeting up with Caleb and his friends later," She sat down at the edge of my bed.

"Cool, where at?" I asked.

"Some fancy bar in the city," Hanna shrugged.

"Fancy huh?" I smiled. "I never pegged Caleb as the fancy type."

"He doesn't really care," Hanna shrugged. "he just goes wherever they want to go. It's that really nice place we went for Emily's birthday two summer's ago.

"Oh yeah," I remembered. "I liked that place."

"You should come," Hanna offered.

"Maybe another time," I shrugged.

"Ok," she put her head down.

I was surprised she didn't argue with me. I felt bad for always brushing things off. I felt like she was starting to give up on me. "Count me in actually," I sat up. "What time are you guys going?"

Hanna perked up in surprise. "Eight!"

"Ok, can I ride with you?" I asked.

"Of course!" Hanna smiled. "This is going to be so much fun! You have to let me do your hair and make up! And I have this dress that will be perfect for you!"

"Relax Han," I rolled my eyes. "Don't make me regret my decision."

* * *

I walked into the very modern upscale bar with Hanna and Caleb, feeling overdressed. I couldn't tell you the last time I wore heels and eye shadow. I loved that the place looked so clean, most bars made me feel like I needed to go bathe in a shower of disinfectant.

"Come get a drink with me," Hanna pulled me to the bar.

"What can I get you ladies?" The bartender asked.

"I'll have a Strawberry Margarita, please," Hanna smiled.

"And you?" He asked me.

"I'll just have a white wine," I shrugged.

The bartender handed us our drinks and we headed back to Caleb.

"Spencer, we should dance!" Hanna enthused.

"Oh, I don't know I-"

"I'll just go let Caleb know real quick," Hanna said dragging me with her.

"Caleb, Spencer and I are going to dance for a while, ok?" She smiled at him.

"Go ahead," he smiled placing a kiss on her cheek.

I looked at the group of guys he was standing with, and felt a pair of eyes staring at me. I almost dropped my glass when I saw Toby, my boss looking at me.

"Hey you," he smiled at me.

"H-hi," I tried hiding my glass behind Hanna.

"Spencer, it's a bar. You can drink," he laughed at me.

"You two know watch other?" Hanna asked.

"Yeah, Spencer just started working for me," he nodded towards me.

"Oh I didn't know that!" Hanna looked at me with daggers. "Spencer never tells me anything anymore."

I fake smiled at Hanna, "I thought you wanted to dance?"

"Right," Hanna suddenly remembered. She took my hand pulling me to the dance floor. She started moving to the beat and singing along to the music. "I didn't know you worked for Toby?" She yelled over the music. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't think it mattered," I yelled back.

"He's cute," she winked at me.

"Not my type," I glared.

"Why not?" Hanna wondered.

"I'm just not into him," I shrugged.

"He's the one I tried hooking you up with last fall," She giggled.

"Can we please not talk about him?" I rolled my eyes.

"Why?" She smiled. "Are you secretly crushing on him?"

I gave Hanna the best annoyed face I could. "I'm going to the bathroom," I said turning around.

I walked towards the bathroom, realizing there was a line outside the restrooms. I sighed taking off my heels, giving my feet a break.

"You look nice tonight," I heard from behind me.

I turned around to find a very intoxicated unfamiliar man. I just rolled my eyes, praying the line would hurry up. "You're ass looks extremely sexy in that dress babe," the man said before grabbing my butt.

I turned around about to slap him.

"Hey!" Toby walked up to the guy towering over him. "Get your hands off of my girlfriend."

The guy looked terrified, looking up at Toby.

Toby wrapped his arm around me, wresting his hand on my hip. "Leave her alone, or I will personally kick you out of this place."

"Sorry man," the guy quickly backed up.

It was strange how he took a moment to look at me before he took his arm away. "Sorry about that. Guy's can be disgusting sometimes."

"Thanks," I finally breathed.

"Are you ok?" He asked.

"Yeah," I assured him.

"What did he even say? I just saw him grab you and I had to step in," he searched my eyes.

"He was just making comments about me in my dress." I nervously pulled it down, fearing I was showing too much leg.

"I'm sorry," he shook his head in disapproval. "I hope I didn't make you uncomfortable when I called you my girlfriend. I figured it would scare him off," he shrugged nervously.

"No it was fine, thank you," I smiled. I looked over to find the line was down and I could finally go to the bathroom. "I have to use the restroom, but thanks again for your help."

"Yeah," he stepped away from me. "No problem."

I opened the door, and heard him stop me.

"Hey Spencer," Toby looked at me.

"Yeah?" I looked back at him.

"You look beautiful tonight," he smiled before walking back to his group of friends.

* * *

_"What would you do if I asked you to marry me?" He asked as we walked along side the river._

_"Are you proposing?" I looked over at him._

_"Not now," he smiled. "But what would you say if I did?"_

_"Ask me and you'll find out," I smiled back._

_"But I don't have a ring," he looked at me with confusion._

_"That doesn't matter," I shrugged. _

_He turned to me, so he was facing away from the water. "Spencer Hastings," he said as he got down on one knee. "Will you marry me?"_

_"Yes," I nodded. I nearly jumped in his arms when he stood up. "I love you so much," I whispered in his ear._

_"I love you too," he kissed my temple. "I promise I will get a ring for you soon."_

_"I don't care," I shook my head. "I just want to be with you, forever."_

I set my ring back in the box and put it back in the dresser. We were just teenagers then. But somehow even then I knew we were going to be together forever. He proposed to me when I was nineteen. Three months later he presented me with a beautiful ring. It was small, and all he could afford, but I loved it.

I always wondered if it would be better for me to just sell the ring. But I could never bring myself to do it. I never wore it, because it was too painful. I remember having it on my left hand for almost two years, and I remember the day I took it off, and never put it back on. I threw it against the wall at our house, because I was so angry. I was so angry that he left me here all alone. I was angry that it had happened so suddenly and I didn't even have the chance to say goodbye. But mostly I was angry with the last thing I said to him.

* * *

**A/N: What do you guys think will happen next?**

**P.S. I've already written 14 chapters!**

**See you next Friday!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Thank you Guest, Spobylover1237, and Caitycaites for your reviews, as always!**

**Not sure if people are liking this story or not, since I'm getting reviews from the same people… Kind of bummed.**

_She's talking to angels, counting the stars._

_Making a wish on a passing car._

_-Chris Daughtry_

_"Spencer you didn't let me finish I-"_

_"You are being so selfish!" I yelled at him. "You want me to move away from my family and my career and my friends?"_

_"I didn't say we had to, I'm just saying we-"_

_"But you are pretty much making it sound that way!" I grabbed my purse. "I can't believe you took the job without asking me if it was ok first. How are we supposed to get married and have a healthy relationship if you make all of our decisions for us?"_

_"Spencer, I can turn it down, its fine. I didn't think you would be that upset about this," he looked at me with sad eyes._

_"You're right you weren't thinking!" I yelled. "You were only thinking about yourself." I headed for the door._

_"Spencer, where are you going?" He walked after me._

_"Away from you!" I opened the door. "I need a break from us. I don't know if I can do this anymore." I slammed the door before I headed for my car._

_I wish I would've resolved everything right then and there. Or I wish I would've stormed to my room and locked the door. But I didn't. And because of me, he is gone. I never meant any of the things I said. He wasn't selfish at all. He was only doing what he thought was best for us at the time. I should've listened. I should've stayed._

_I play that day over and over in my head. I imagine all the ways it could've gone differently. But it always ends up the same and I always end up with that sick feeling in my stomach._

* * *

"You seem happier," Hanna looked over at me.

"I'm trying," I said looking up at the stars.

"It's nice out tonight," Hanna sighed.

We both were laying outside on Hanna's porch enjoying the warm quiet night.

"Yeah," I agreed. "There's a lot of stars out tonight."

"Do you think he's watching you?" Hanna sounded hesitant. "Nick? I mean."

I sighed, "I wonder that all the time. I would like to think so most days. It makes me feel comfortable knowing he's watching over me. Other days I hope he's not."

"Why not?" Hanna asked curiously.

"Because I'm a mess," I pressed my lips into a hard line. "He would be disappointed in me."

"He loved you," Hanna propped herself up on her elbows. "He's probably not disappointed in you. Maybe just sad, that you aren't happy."

"It's hard to be happy. And I don't want to fake happiness, it's draining. It's draining just getting up and facing the world," I thought out loud.

"Why don't you do something that makes you happy," Hanna suggested.

"He made me happy," I said quietly.

"That's what you need," Hanna sat up.

"Hanna, he isn't just replaceable!" I snarled. "There's no one like him."

"I know. You can't ever replace him," Hanna defended herself. "I'm just saying you need someone that can make you laugh, and get you to smile. I'm not saying their ever going to make you feel the way Nick did, but maybe it will help."

"You make me laugh," I looked at her.

"Not in that way," Hanna laughed. "Plus I haven't gotten you to laugh in months."

"That's not true, you've made me laugh," I nudged her.

"Laughing because I fell down the stairs yesterday does not count," Hanna rolled her eyes.

I laughed out loud, "That was funny! You should've seen your face, it was hilarious."

"I can't fall down the stairs just to make you laugh everyday, Spencer," Hanna couldn't help but smile.

"That would make me laugh though," I started laughing again.

"What about Toby?" Hanna brought up randomly.

I stopped laughing, "Why are you so insistent about him?"

"Because he's one of the only friends Caleb has, that I actually like," Hanna sighed. "It doesn't matter anyways, he's taken."

I snapped my head looking at her, "Since when?"

"A while," Hanna shrugged. "Jealous?"

"No," I shook my head. "He just never said anything about a girlfriend. And he doesn't have any pictures of her on his desk."

"You've been snooping in his desk?" Hanna's eyes widened.

"No," I glared at her. "Part of my job is to clean his office."

"Sure it is," Hanna said under her breath.

* * *

I was in the elevator trying to balance a coffee, a stack of papers, and a brief case. Once it got to the floor I needed, I slowly walked out trying not to drop anything. I wasn't prepared for the door that swung open, knocking the papers and brief case from hands. Luckily the coffee didn't spill.

I felt a pair of hands grab my waist so I didn't tumble to the ground with everything else. "Whoa, there!" I heard Toby say. "You alright?" He asked, still holding onto my waist.

I turned to see his face. "Yeah, I was trying to avoid taking two trips." I laughed at how stupid I must have looked.

He bent down to help me pick up the papers. "You done for the day?" He asked as he helped me gather everything into one pile.

"Yeah, I was just bringing this up to you and then I was going to head out." I said grabbing them from his hands.

"I can just take it from here," He offered. "You can get out of here."

I stood up holding the coffee and brief case. "How about I help you carry these back so we can avoid another accident like this happening?" I smiled.

"Deal," he smiled back.

"So I didn't know you were friends with Caleb?" Toby wondered as we walked back to his office.

"Hanna and I have been friends since high school. So I've known Caleb since they started dating," I nodded.

"Oh that's cool," he nodded. "Hanna's nice, I like her."

"Yeah she is," I agreed. I set down the brief case and coffee on his desk. "Well, I guess I'll see you tomorrow then?"

"Yeah," he nodded.

"Bye," I turned around awkwardly.

"Can I walk with you?" He asked as I was leaving. "I was just going to head out too."

"Sure," I half smiled. I guess it couldn't kill me to make a friend. It might be nice, to have someone who doesn't know anything about Nick.

He shut off his lights and locked his door. "Alright lets go."

We got in the elevator, bringing us to the basement parking. "Do you go out much?" He asked leaning against the wall.

"Not really," I admitted. "Hanna practically forced me."

"I don't really either," he shook his head. "It was kind of nice though, getting out, and not thinking about work."

We stopped talking as three more people joined us on the elevator. Soon we were squished in the very back corner, touching shoulders. I couldn't help but focus on the way our hands dangled so closely together. They were almost touching. _Almost_.

Finally it made it to the basement and we were all set free. "Where are you parked?" He asked.

"Just over here," I pointed to the left.

"I'll walk you," he said without hesitation.

"You don't have to," I told him.

"My car is this way anyways," he shrugged.

We walked in silence until we reached my car. "Thanks," I said turning to face him.

"No problem," he said hands, in his pockets.

I was about to turn away, when my heel got stuck in the crack of the pavement and I rolled my ankle falling forward on to him.

He reacted fast, his hands catching my waist, like magnets. "You ok?" he couldn't help but laugh at me.

"Yeah," my face turned red. "You're always saving me."

His arms were still wrapped around me holding me up. "Can you walk on it?"

"Yeah," I said standing up, only to go limp again from the pain.

"I got you," he said as I bared all my weight in his arms. "Here," he opened up the passenger door and gently set me down in the seat. "Let me see your foot."

He knelt down by my feet and took off my shoe and looked at it. "Does it hurt here?" He pressed around my ankle.

"A little," I bit my lip.

"Can you move it?" He asked.

I rolled it in circles slowly.

"Are you going to be able to drive home?" He looked at me with worry.

"I think so," I nodded.

He stood up extending his hands. "Come here."

I grabbed his hands as he helped me up. "See if you can walk."

I walked around to the other side of my car. It was sore, but I would be fine. "I'm ok to drive," I turned to face him.

"You sure?" He asked one more time.

"Positive," I nodded.

"Ok," he handed me my shoe. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Tomorrow," I smiled.

* * *

**A/N: What are your thoughts? Concerns? Questions?**


	5. Chapter 5

**Thank you to multiple guests, Caitycaites, and Spobylover1237 for your kind reviews! I really appreciate them!**

**Yes I realize updating once a week can sometimes be frustrating for you readers. However I work two jobs and hardly have time to update more frequently than that. I still have to edit every single chapter that I write. Thanks for your patience, I hope it doesn't bother you that I will only be updating on Fridays.**

* * *

_She's dancing with strangers, falling apart._

_Waiting for superman to pick her up, in his arms._

_Waiting for Superman._

_-Chris Daughtry_

The nightmares were getting worse. I couldn't sleep at night, and I couldn't function during the day. For some reason, it was haunting me more than ever. I was beginning to feel an unbearable amount of guilt. If I never existed then, he would be alive. That day would have never happened and he would be happy living life still. But I did exist.

I don't know when I ended up at the bar and I don't know when I started drinking. All I know is I felt pretty numb, and I just wanted to feel something. I headed for the dance floor, and found a random guy. I danced on him, making sure he knew I was going home with him tonight. I wanted to feel something, and tonight I was going to feel it. My lips touched his, I didn't even care that he was the first guy I've kissed since Nick. I just wanted to feel.

"You want to get out of here?" he yelled over the music.

I just nodded, taking his hand.

He pulled me towards the exit, winking at me.

I smiled back, feeling the thrill rise in my chest.

"Let me use the bathroom before we go," he stopped. He kissed me again, "Wait here baby."

I stood by the bar, ordering one more shot before I had to go. I poured it down my throat, unable to feel the burn anymore.

"What do you think your doing?" A male voice asked, coming up beside me.

I looked to see Toby, standing very close to me, looking seriously at me. "Toby," I smiled. "What are you doing here?"

"What are you doing Spence?" He avoided my question.

_Spence?_ He sounded like Nick when he said that.

"I'm having fun," I simply replied.

"You aren't seriously leaving with that guy are you?" He looked… angry?

"Yes," I bit my lip. "Why do you care?"

"You're better than that," he shook his head at me.

"You don't even know me," I argued.

He pulled me by the elbow, towards the exit. "I'm taking you home."

"I don't want to go home!" I fought against him.

"Trust me, you'll be happy tomorrow if you do," he looked at me.

"No," I shook my head like a child. I looked over my shoulder to find that guy coming back. "I'll see you at work," I said before the guy came up behind me.

"Ready?" he asked.

"I sure-"

"She's not going," Toby grabbed my arm again.

"Dude, let her do what she wants," the guy grabbed Toby's arm.

Toby smacked it away, "touch me again and I will beat the shit out of you. Come on Spencer, I'm taking you home."

"Toby-"

"Now Spencer," he clenched his jaw.

"I don't want to please I-"

He picked me up bridal style, carrying me outside. He walked to his car in the lot.

"Put me down," I kicked my legs.

He set me down once we got to the car, he grabbed my wrists and forced me to look at him. "Please Spencer, just trust me. This isn't who you are."

I relaxed for a minute looking back at him. "Are you saying…" I looped my arms around his neck. "That I should be going home with you instead?" I started laying kisses on his neck.

I felt him take an unsteady breath. "Spencer," he sounded tired. But he didn't push me away.

"Come on," I said placing another kiss on his neck. "Just one night."

"I can't," he gently peeled me off of him. "I can't do that to you."

"But I want to," I said hooking my fingers in his belt loops. "Have I ever told you how hot you are? I've thought that since day one. I've been lying to Hanna," I giggled.

He searched my eyes. I couldn't understand the look in his eyes. Sadness? Confusion? Maybe I was just too drunk to comprehend.

I laid a hand on the back of his neck pulling him towards me. Our lips centimeters apart, "kiss me," I breathed.

He hesitated for a second, "You're drunk."

"And?" I pulled his hips to mine. It was intoxicating how close our lips were to touching.

"It wouldn't be right," he pulled away. He opened up his door, pushing me inside and buckling me in.

The drive was silent. The only time we talked was when I told him where to turn. We pulled into my apartment building and he walked me to my room. He helped me inside and made sure I drank some water.

"Alright, I should go," he finally said.

"What am I going to do about my car in the morning?" I asked.

"Call me and I can drive you to it in the morning," he offered.

"You can just stay the night," I smiled.

"I can't," he shook his head.

"Why? Is your girlfriend waiting for you at home?" I asked brushing past him to my room.

"Um…" He looked thrown off guard.

"Hanna told me," I said opening up my dresser.

"It's not…" He looked like he was choking on his words. "I don't know what to say..."

"Why'd you almost kiss me?" I asked laying out a t-shirt and shorts for bed.

"I didn't," he defended himself. "_You_ almost kissed me."

"You didn't exactly pull away right away," I stumbled towards him.

"I didn't know what to do," he looked torn.

I took off my dress so I was in my bra and underwear.

I saw his eyes wander before he turned around to face my wall.

"I'm not getting naked, relax," I said still intoxicated.

He turned back around and avoided looking at me. "Why'd you try going home with that guy?"

"Why does it matter?" I asked, finally dressed.

"I just… I don't know. I didn't like it," he looked down at his hands.

I patted the bed next to me, "Sit with me."

He hesitated before taking a seat next to me.

"Can we be friends?" I blurted out. "I mean I know you're my boss, but maybe we could be friends."

He smiled, "we can be friends."

"Will you stay with me for a little bit?" I asked.

"Spencer-"

"Just for like twenty minutes?" I pleaded. "Then you can go home to your girlfriend."

"Twenty minutes," he agreed.

I laid down on my pillow, I gestured him to lay with me.

I could see the conflict in his eyes. I could tell he wanted to say no, but he laid next to me- far enough away that we weren't touching.

"There are things that I've been through that I wouldn't wish on anybody," I blurted out.

He looked at me.

"That's why I wanted to go home with that guy. I was hoping he would help me forget for a night," I felt the tears well in my eyes.

"I'm sorry," Toby reached over and wiped the fallen tear off my cheek.

Instantly, I pulled into him. I laid my head on his chest and wrapped my arms around him. My leg rested on top of his. It was nice to feel that again. Feel like someone can protect you from everything by simply cuddling with them.

I thought for sure he would push me away, but he didn't. He wrapped the one arm around my waist and let his head rest against mine. It felt so natural. It made me feel something again.

I looked in his eyes, our faces just inches away. "You're always saving me."

He chuckled lightly, "I like saving you."

"You're like," I searched in his eyes. "Superman."

* * *

**A/N: Thoughts? **


	6. Chapter 6

**Thanks again for all the reviews! Hopefully all your questions will be answered soon. **

**This chapter kind of sucks, and I apologize. **

* * *

_She's out on the corner, trying to catch a glimpse._

_Nothings making sense._

_-Chris Daughtry_

"You've been distant all day," Hanna noticed. "What's going on?"

I fiddled with hem of my shirt. "I screwed up last night."

"What happened?" Hanna's interest peeked.

"I sort of-" I laughed at my stupidity. "Got drunk and tried to sleep with Toby."

"What?" Hanna choked. "What happened? You have to tell me everything."

I told her about the random guy and how Toby wouldn't let me leave with him. Then I told her how we ended up at my apartment cuddling.

"So you just woke up and he was gone?" Hanna looked stunned.

"Yeah," I nodded. "I knew he was going to leave," I shrugged. "I just feel bad because he has a girlfriend and I-" I sighed. "Was being such an idiot."

"I'm sure he understands. You were intoxicated Spence," Hanna tried making me feel better.

"It's going to be so humiliating at work tomorrow," I buried my face in my hands. "What am I supposed to say to him tomorrow?"

"Don't say anything," Hanna suggested. "If you ignore it, so will he."

"And if he doesn't?" I asked.

"Then-" Hanna thought for a minute. "Then you deal with it. Just get it over with and things will eventually go back to normal. He isn't a bad guy. He'll probably be really sweet about it."

"I hope so," I already felt uncomfortable just thinking about seeing him again. "Maybe I should just quit. I could avoid seeing him for the rest of my life."

"Don't," Hanna shook her head. "You have a good job."

"He's my boss Han," I snapped my jaw shut in frustration. "I can't believe I drunkenly hit on my boss."

"Who hasn't done that before?" Hanna wondered.

I raised an eyebrow at her, "normal people."

"You'll be fine," Hanna assured me. "But call me after work. I want to hear every awkward detail."

* * *

I took several deep breaths before walking into his office. I nearly ran to his desk, setting his coffee down and heading back towards the door. I didn't make any eye contact- I couldn't.

"Spencer," Toby said before I got the chance to leave.

I turned around slowly making eye contact with the floor. "Yes?"

"Did you get my email about the project I wanted you to get started on?" He asked.

"Yes," I nodded. I looked up at him for a quick second, my face felt on fire. "I was just about to get started."

"Good," he cleared his throat. "Come find me when you're finished."

"Ok," I choked. As soon as I closed his door, I felt an automatic wave of relief. I at least had a couple hours before I had to face him again.

* * *

There I was again, taking several deep breaths outside his door. I finally built up enough courage to open the door and walk inside. "I'm done," I rocked back on my heels.

"Good," he looked up from his computer. "Come here."

I slowly took a few more steps towards him, still looking at the floor.

"Have a seat," he gestured.

I took a seat, holding my hands together so he couldn't tell I was shaking.

He walked around his desk so he was standing right in front of me. "Why won't you look at me?"

I glanced up at him through my eyelashes. "I-um-" I couldn't even think of what words to say. It suddenly felt like my tongue turned to water and my jaw was paralyzed.

He sat down in the chair next to me, "Last Saturday was fine," he assured me. "Let's just forget it happened."

I just nodded unable to respond.

"Hey," he put a hand under my chin forcing me to look at him. "I really don't care about what happened. You shouldn't either."

"Ok," I whispered lightly.

"Friends?" He raised an eyebrow.

"Sure," I nodded. I just wanted to get out of there. I felt like I was going to burst into flames.

"You haven't relaxed," he noted.

"I'm just-" I searched for the words that were escaping my brain.

"Are you ok?" He looked worried. "You're getting sort of pale."

"I just- I need air," I pointed towards his door. I stood up running out of his room. I ran down the stairs, not patient enough for the elevator. Once I got outside, it was like my lungs could finally expand. Why was I so nervous? He said it was fine.

I stood behind the building taking deep breaths trying not to vomit. I took off my heels and took a seat on the ground. I leaned my head against the wall, closing my eyes.

I heard the back door open, "Spencer! Are you ok?" I could hear Toby's voice.

"I'm fine," I lied, still closing my eyes.

He took a seat next to me, "Do you need some water?"

"No," I shook my head. "I'll be fine."

"What's on your mind?" He wondered.

I couldn't even comprehend what was going on in my head. "I don't know," I said truthfully.

"Did I do something to make you uncomfortable?" He wondered.

"No, not at all," I shook my head. "It's me," I finally looked at him. "I was being such an idiot the other night. I never meant to disrespect you or your girlfriend. I just have issues and I-" I swallowed hard. "I was just not myself."

"Nothing even happened," he reminded me. "Beside's," he looked at me with intensity. "I like spending time with you."

I looked at him confused.

"I mean as friends," he said quickly. "You're interesting to me. So I didn't mind the other night. I knew you were drunk. I know that's not what you're like on a normal day. I'm not myself when I'm intoxicated either."

"So we can forget that I ever humiliated myself?" I asked.

He laughed, "Yeah. How about next time, I'll be the intoxicated one and we can call it even," he joked.

I couldn't help but smile, "deal."

"Alright," he stood up. "You ready to go back inside?" He offered his hand.

"Yeah," I took a hold of his hand and pulled myself up. I put my heels back on and followed him inside.

* * *

_"Is this Spencer Hastings?" An unfamiliar voice asked._

_"Yes," I said pressing the phone closer to my ear._

_"Your fiancée, Nick got in a car accident," He sounded monotone. _

_"Is he ok? Where is he? What hospital is he at? Should I-"_

_"Miss," he stopped me. "I'll need you to come down to the station."_

_"Why, what's going on?" I started to panic._

_"Just please Miss," he said before hanging up._

_I don't remember much after that. I remember walking into the police station and I remember the officer introducing himself. Then the next thing I remember I was crumpled on the floor unable to move. They actually had to call my parents and get them to pick me up, because I was not responsive._

_Suddenly it felt like I blinked and I was at his funeral. I remember my parents dragging me away from his casket or I would've froze to death out in the cold. That was the worst part of it all. Watching his casket descend into the ground. I felt like I was leaving him behind. I felt like I was leaving him to die._

_But he was already dead._

_It took me months to say a word. Now I know that a lot of other people have been through the same thing I have. And I know that those people were able to get over it eventually and move on. But it was different for me. Nick went after me because I was mad at him. He was so focused on trying to find me he ran a red light and was killed instantly. _

_If I hadn't been so selfish, he would still be here._

_That was the hardest part of it all._

_I was a murderer. _

* * *

**A/N: How bad did it suck?**


	7. Chapter 7

**Thanks for the reviews!**

**Sorry for this update, I haven't had time to edit or even read it a second time. I've been sick for 6 days now and I have to drag myself to work in a couple of hours. So again, I apologize for this horrible chapter. **

**Feel free to be brutally honest.**

* * *

_"She's been chasing an answer,_

_A sign lost in the abyss, this metropolis."_

_-Chris Daughtry_

"Finally!" Toby sat back in his chair, with a smile. "Were done."

"Thank goodness," I laughed. "That project took us a whole week!" I shook my head. Toby and I spent night and day working on this major project for the company. We were both stressed beyond belief. I was starting to dream about it at night, it was so frustrating.

"Let's go out tonight and celebrate," he suggested.

"I swore I would never get drunk in front of you again," I shook my head no.

"Not drunk," he rolled his eyes. "Just one drink."

I glared at him as he smiled at him. "Promise it'll be just one?"

"Promise," he nodded. "It'll just get us relaxed after this dreaded week."

"Fine," I agreed. It sounded good to finally relax. "I'll meet you there."

"Alright," he said grabbing his keys.

* * *

I slowly drank my beer, not ready to leave anytime soon. "So is it always that busy at work?"

"It comes and goes," he shrugged. "I don't want to talk about work. I think about it enough."

"Ok," I laughed. "So what's new?"

"Nothing really," he thought about it. "What about you? Tell me about yourself."

"Like what?" I said taking another drink.

"What's your family like?" he shrugged.

"Well," I licked my lips. "My parents are lawyers, they're alright I guess. And I have an older sister Melissa who is interesting to say the least. We're either fighting or having a good time. There's never an in-between with us. And I also have a half brother Jason, who I don't know all that well."

"Sounds interesting," he smiled.

"It is," I agreed. "What about you?"

"Ah," he rolled his eyes. "My mother passed away when I was high school. My dad and I don't really talk. And I have a crazy step-sister."

"You win," I smiled. "I am sorry about your mom though."

"It's ok," he said taking another drink. "You got a boyfriend?" He asked playing with his cap.

"No," I shook my head.

"Why not?" He looked at me.

"Just not-" My mouth felt dry. "Not really sure if I want to date."

He nodded not really sure what to think.

"Tell me about your girlfriend," I changed the subject.

He glanced at me before returning his attention back to the cap he was playing with. "We've been together for four years. She is an elementary school teacher and we met in college."

"That's a long time," I bit my lip. "Do you think you'll get married?"

"I've always thought so," he looked at me. "But-"

"But what?" I prompted.

He took another drink of his beer, finishing it. "Nothing," he shook his head.

"Well," I broke the silence. "I should get going home. I'm kind of tired."

"I'll walk you out," he stood up.

"Thanks," I said leading the way.

We walked in silence to my car in the parking lot. It was dark and quiet outside. Once we reached my car I turned around to face him. "Thanks for the drink," I looked at him.

"No problem," he half smiled. "Thanks for all your help this week. I couldn't have done it without you."

I shrugged, "It wasn't that bad."

He laughed, "Are you kidding me? At one point I thought you were going to start hitting your head against the wall."

"It was tempting," I laughed. I leaned my back against my door. "I like hanging out with you," I admitted.

"Likewise," he said moving closer.

Our hands brushed against each other. At first I didn't know what to do. But then we both ended up intertwining them. I took a deep breath knowing what was happening.

He looked at me without saying anything. His eyes traveled down to my lips and he gave my hands a squeeze. "I don't know what's going on with me?" he whispered.

"What do you mean?" I brushed my thumb along his hand.

"You," he looked at me. "You come out of nowhere and-"

"And-" I prompted

"And you threaten to destroy everything," he moved closer to me. "But I don't care." He pressed his lips against mine. He let go of my hands and moved them to my hips. His body pressed against mine as our mouths explored each other.

My hands raked his hair and I couldn't help the sound that escaped my mouth.

After we slowly pulled apart he smiled slightly.

"Wow," I sighed. "That was-"

His face changed immediately, to what looked like regret. "That was a mistake," he looked at me. "I'm sorry," he apologized before leaving me alone speechless.

* * *

"So he kissed you?" Hanna asked. "Or you kissed him?"

"I don't know?" I lifted my shoulders up. "Both I guess. I just remember us talking and then suddenly we were kissing. And suddenly he was gone and I was left confused."

"I knew you liked him," Hanna smiled at me.

"No I don't," I defended myself.

Hanna gave me the look.

"Ok, I don't know what I'm feeling. But it's definitely not normal," I admitted. "But this is bad Hanna. He has a girlfriend. A serious girlfriend."

"It's not your fault Spencer," she shook her head. "He should've know better."

"Yeah but-" I felt the need to come to his defense. "He seemed so torn and distracted. I could see the regret in his eyes after."

"I hate to break it to you Spence but this isn't going to go away," Hanna eyed me up and down. "He's going to say that it can never happen again. You guys are going to move on like nothing happened. And then BAM! It's going to happen again… and again."

"So what am I supposed to do?" I panicked.

"He has to break up with her or-" she sighed. "You have to quit."

"I'm not going to break up a four year relationship," I shook my head. "So-" I felt a lump rise in my throat. "So I guess I'll have to quit."

* * *

**A/N: Sorry for the short chapter... Thoughts?**


	8. Chapter 8

**I apologize... This chapter sucks... I've had no time to edit... I suck, I'm sorry.**

**I hope you don't hate it.**

_"She says, yeah he's still coming, just a little bit late._

_He got stuck at the Five and Dime saving the day."_

_-Chris Daughtry_

I stood outside his door pacing, like a maniac. A big part of me wanted to just try to get over what happened between us and try to move on. Deep down I knew Hanna was right, it was going to happen again if we tried to forget about it. The small part of me wanted to quit so that he could be happy with his girlfriend.

I hated that fact. I was selfish, and I was beginning to realize I wanted him all to myself. How could I do that to someone? Some sweet girl has no idea what her boyfriend was up to a couple of nights ago.

I knocked on his door lightly, waiting for him to let me in.

I heard a voice call out, "Come in."

I opened the door to his office slowly approaching his desk. "I think we should talk," I said sitting down.

"There's nothing to talk about," he said looking at his screen. "Unless it's about work I don't want to talk to you."

Why was he so mad at me? It was just as much his fault as it was mine. "I'm sorry, I never meant to intrude on your relationship-"

"I said I didn't want to talk about it," he looked at me. "It's fine, it's over. Nothing happened."

I swallowed hard, I was not expecting him to act this way. "I think it's best if I leave."

"Yeah, I emailed you about what I need you to work on," he turned his attention back to his computer.

"That's not what I mean," I shook my head. "I think I should leave this company."

He turned back to me, "Why?"

"Isn't it obvious?" I raised an eyebrow. "You can't stand the sight of me."

"It's not like that," he pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Isn't it?" I stood up. "I just think it's best." I turned around to walk away.

"I don't want you to go," He said.

I turned around, "Why? I mean… It's not like I'm doing anything except causing problems."

"You are a great asset to this company," he disagreed. "You've helped me so much. I can't do it without you."

"I'm sure you can find someone who is just as qualified as I am," I picked at the lose thread on my shirt.

"Just stay, until I can find someone else," He asked. "Please," he begged me. "I can't afford to lose you right now, the company is really busy."

"Fine," I agreed. "But I think you should find someone soon. It's obviously not a good idea for us to work together."

"I know," he agreed.

_ Line Break_

I finally finished for the day, so I went back to Toby's office to tell him I was heading out. "Hey, I'm all finished," I told him.

"Ok," he said looking at his computer.

"Bye," I said, about to leave.

"Hey," he stopped me. "I've got a few people coming tomorrow looking for your position."

"That's great," I tried sounding happy.

"I want you to interview them and decide who you think will be best," he told me.

"Ok," I agreed. "I'll see you tomorrow then?"

"Yeah," he walked around his desk so that he was towering over me. "Don't worry about what happened. I'm not mad at you," he looked down. "I'm mad at myself."

I sighed, "Don't be." I licked my lips, "No one will ever know."

"Hey baby," I heard a female voice behind me.

She was a tall blonde. Beautiful. She looked like a model. She had a smile on her face as she walked towards him.

I stepped out of the way so I wasn't in the middle.

"H-hi," he looked surprised to see her. He leaned in to kiss her. "What are you doing here?"

"Oh I was just across the street doing some shopping, I thought I would come see you," she smiled.

"Well I'm glad you did," he smiled back at her.

She looked at me, "I'm sorry, where are my manors? I'm Vanessa!" She stuck her hand out for a handshake.

"Spencer," I hesitantly shook it.

"She's my new assistant," Toby clarified.

"Oh that's right," Vanessa looked at me. "Toby has talked non-stop about you."

I looked at Toby, trying not to look so nervous.

"He says you've been a lot of help to him with the company," she continued.

"Oh-I'm not that great," I shook my head. "Well I better get going home," I slowly backed away.

"It was nice to meet you," Vanessa smiled.

"You too," I swallowed hard. I turned around before it got any more awkward. I could hear the kissing begin as I walked out and shut his door. I leaned up against his door trying not to throw up.

I felt awful! I felt bad for doing that to her. That unbelievably sweet girl. But mostly, and selfishly I felt bad for myself. Seeing him kiss her, made my throat hurt. Seeing him smile at her made my chest burn with jealousy.

But it didn't matter. Because soon I would never have to see him again and it would all be over.

_Line Break_

I laid the flowers in front of his headstone. "I know it's been a while," I took a seat in the grass.

"But I really need to talk to you," I sighed.

"I've made a huge mistake, and I don't know what I'm doing," I shook my head. "I don't even know why I kissed him. And I don't know why I care about it so much?" I raked my hand through my hair. "I love you," I whispered. "I never wanted to have feelings for another guy after you passed. But-" I looked at his name carved in stone. "It's about time I realize you aren't coming back Nick." I laid my head in my hands, "And I really didn't mean to fall for a guy who has a serious girlfriend. What do I do Nick?"

Of course there wasn't going to be a response. But I prayed that I could just talk to him for five minutes. He always had the best advice.

"Can I have like a sign or something?" I begged.

I waited for something, but there was nothing. "Alright," I said, standing up.

A gust of wind picked up, blowing the pedals away. I watched as they danced on a headstone. It read Marion Cavanaugh. Coincidence? Or sign? I wasn't sure. If it was a sign, I wasn't sure what it was telling me.

"Thank you Nick," I swallowed the lump in my throat.

**A/N: I understand if no one wants to read this suckfest anymore. I don't enjoy looking at it, that's for sure. I think I will stop writing...Forever.**


	9. Chapter 9

**Thank you guys so much for your kind reviews! I was just feeling uninspired last week and didn't feel very confident. Hope you enjoy this chapter!**

_She says "If life was a movie then it wouldn't end like this,_

_Left without a kiss."_

_Still, she smiles, oh, the way she smiles._

_-Chris Daughtry_

"So I really liked this girl," I showed Toby her file. "Very smart, friendly, and she's feisty."

"Do you think she can handle it?" He wondered.

"I think so," I answered honestly. "She doesn't have much work experience. But I think that can be the best sometimes. When they are fresh out of school they are so fired up, they will bend over backwards for you."

"Anybody else?" He asked.

"Or I would go with this guy," I flipped to another file. "He's older, has a lot of experience with this kind of stuff. He's not as fired up as that one girl, but he does have more experience."

He looked at me tapping his pen on his desk. "If you had to choose, who would you choose?"

I looked at both of the files, my eyes going back and forth. "They're both great," I shrugged. "But I would probably go with the girl. She's more like me, so I'm kind of biased."

"Ok, I'll decide by Friday," he grabbed the file from my hands. "Thanks for doing this."

"Yeah," I nodded slowly. "What can I do now?"

He looked at his watch, "I've got a conference meeting in about two hours. You want to get some lunch with me?"

I gave him a questioning look, "Is that a good idea?"

"It'll be fine Spencer," he rolled his eyes. "I think I can control myself."

"Yeah," I shook my head, feeling stupid. "Where should we go?"

"I was thinking of just ordering some Chinese? Does that sound good to you?" He shrugged.

"Yeah, of course," I nodded.

_Line Break_

We sat on his office floor, legs criss-crossed, making small talk. "So…" He wiped his mouth, "What are your plans after this? Have you found a job yet?"

"Oh, um," I rolled the chicken around with my chopsticks. "Not yet."

He swallowed looking at me, "Aren't you trying?"

"I -uh," I shrugged not looking at him. "I haven't really had the time to look yet."

"Why didn't you tell me?" His voice sounded slightly angry. "I wouldn't have given you so many projects to work on."

"It's fine," I shook my head, faking a smile. "I'll figure something out."

"What if-" he hesitated. "You still worked here? You can work in a different department, where I won't see you as much."

"I thought we were trying to get away from each other," I cleared my throat.

"Well," he thought for a minute. "I only work with each department once a week. So if you work with one of those, I'll only see you once a week, and its with a lot of people."

"Is that ok?" I wondered.

"Yeah," he nodded. "We could always use more help. I'll have Jared in charge of you, he's awesome to work with," he smiled. "Besides," he looked down. "I can't bare the thought of you out there without a job."

"Thanks," I smiled. "So I start on Monday then?"

"Monday," he agreed.

I looked at the clock on the wall, "Looks like you have fifteen minutes until your meeting."

"Right," he looked at the clock. He picked up our food, tossing it the trash.

"Thanks for lunch," I slowly stood up.

"My treat," he smiled at me.

"So…" I rocked back on my heels. "I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Yeah," he nodded. "Only three more days of being my assistant."

"It wasn't that bad," I rolled my eyes.

"I hope the next one's as good as you," he chuckled. "Or better."

"I don't think that's possible," I said competitively.

"I don't know…" he shrugged playfully. "That girl is a fiery red head."

"No one is as fiery as me," I disagreed.

"You're probably right," he laughed with me. "I really should get going," he reminded me.

"Yeah," I followed him out of his office.

We both took the elevator down to the basement. People piled in after us, forcing us to the back corner. I blushed looking up at him as our bodies were forced together. I moved my body sideways so that I could make more room.

More people forced themselves into the elevator. The guy in front of me took a step back shoving me right into Toby. We were now face-to-face, with our chests touching, unable to move what so ever.

He caught me as the elevator started to move. His hands rested on my hips, as my hands collapsed to his chest. "Whoa," I blurted out, startled by the elevator moving. "Sorry," I breathed.

"It's ok," he pretended not to care, but I could see his face turn red from embarrassment.

The guy rocked back again, pushing me further into Toby. Our bodies were beyond touching now, they were smashed against each other, making it hard to breath. I laughed uncomfortably, waiting for the doors to open back up.

Finally the doors opened to the basement. Slowly people started flooding out. I started pull away from Toby, feeling the air from the outside. Toby released his hands from my hips as I turned around ready to walk to my car. I wasn't sure if I should say bye or just keep walking? All I know is that I felt incredibly awkward and embarrassed. But at the same time I couldn't help but miss the feeling of his hands on me.

"Bye Spencer," I heard Toby say from behind me.

I turned around, "Bye," I waved before heading to my car.

_Line Break_

"It was so awkward Han," I paced her living room.

"It kind of sounds hot," Hanna bit her lip.

"It was," I admitted. "But it was more awkward than anything else."

"It'll be fine Spencer," Hanna assured me.

"Yeah, after this week when I don't have to see him anymore!" I raised my voice.

"Why are you so worked up?" Hanna wondered. "Yes it was awkward, but I don't get what the big deal is?"

"Because I like him Han!" I blurted out turning to her. "A lot," I admitted to myself. I plopped down on the couch, "Oh great," I rested my head in my hands. "I'm totally falling for him. And I'm not even trying! And neither is he! It's just happening…"

Hanna scooted closer to me, "Why is that so bad?"

"Because he has a girlfriend," I looked at her like she was stupid. "A really nice, beautiful, long-term girlfriend."

"So what are you going to do?" Hanna wondered.

"Nothing," I shrugged. "I can't do anything."

"Maybe you should try dating someone?" Hanna suggested. "Toby has that party every year for his company at his house. That's coming up next month. If he sees you happy with someone else then-"

"I'm not going to try to make him jealous Han-" I glared at her.

"No not jealous," she shook her head. "Maybe if he sees that you are happy and moved on, he can go back to focusing on his girlfriend and all will be well."

I thought about it for a minute, "I can't."

"Why not?" Hanna shook me.

"Because I don't want to date anyone else," I mumbled.

**A/N: Kind of a filler chapter... But what'd you think?**


	10. Chapter 10

**Thank you so so so much for the reviews! You guys are the best! Love you all!**

**Sorry for any mistakes, I haven't had the chance to read it today.**

_She's talking to angels, she's counting the stars,_

_Making a wish on a passing car."_

_-Chris Daughtry_

It's Friday, my last day as Toby's assistant. I worked hard all day, avoiding the awkward yet painful goodbye that was about to come. I sat at my desk, already working an hour overtime, dreading the end of the day. I finished cleaning out my desk with my personal belongings. I sighed as I looked around the office one last time.

"I went with the fiery red head," I heard Toby from behind me.

I turned to face him and smiled, "So you can't help but listen to me? I told you I was right all along."

He laughed lightly approaching my desk, his head down, "I guess so."

I sighed knowing what was coming next. "Well I'll tell her on Monday that you are the absolute worst person to work for that why I had to transfer to the opposite side of the building to get away from you," I smirked.

He couldn't help but laugh, "Thanks. I'm sure that won't scare her away at all."

"She'll be fine," I assured him. I sighed, "Well it's been fun, but I should go."

He bit the inside of his cheek, "Thank you for everything. Seriously," he nodded. "If I could, I would keep you."

"If you could?" I challenged him. I picked up my box of stuff brushing past him.

"It wasn't supposed to be like this," He said.

"Yeah," I rolled my eyes, as I kept walking.

"Please wait," Toby turned around.

I slowly turned around setting my things on the end table next to the door. "What?"

"It wasn't supposed to be like this," he repeated himself. "I just wanted an amazing assistant who could really help me out with the company. And I got that!" He gestured towards me. "But I also got a lot more than that."

I didn't say anything I just looked down at my feet.

"I got this annoyingly , pushy, frustrating, clumsy, assistant," he ground his jaw together in anger.

"Is that your way of complimenting me?" I raised an eyebrow.

He ignored my comment, "I also got this smart, beautiful, kind, breathtaking girl, that I keep feeling like I need to save," he looked frustrated.

"Save?" I questioned. "I'd hardly call it saving me when-"

"That guy at the bar that kept touching you? Or how about the one you almost had a one night stand with? The time you twisted your ankle and you almost went down in a blades of glory? Or when you almost went without a job and I offered you an alternative? I can keep going," He looked at me.

"I think you've made it pretty clear," I felt the tears rising in my eyes. I went to reach for my stuff as I felt a pair of hands restraining me.

"Stop," he forced me to look at me. "Now I have the sudden need to save you from crying," he wiped the fallen tear from my cheek. "I'm not trying to make you feel bad," he apologized. "I'm just-" he choked on his words. "I'm not stupid."

"What?" I looked at him confused.

"I know as well as you that there is something going on between us. As much as I hate you for that," he spat at me. "You're destroying something I've built with a girl that I love more than anyone, and she doesn't even know it."

"I'm sorry," I cried harder, I tried pulling away from him. "I have to go now."

"No," He pulled me closer to him.

"Toby," I cried, "I'm sorry."

"I love you," he looked at me. "I've been denying it for so long now," he shook his head. "I finally realized it when all I could think about was you. Every time I kiss Vanessa, I picture you. And Today all I could feel was this gut wrenching feeling, knowing I'm not going to see you five days a week. And-" he shook his head. "Every Friday I wish the weekend away so I can see you again."

"I'm sorry," I kept apologizing, as I saw his face distort into something that looked so painful.

"Quit apologizing," he shook his head at me. He pulled me into another kiss.

Another kiss. It was what I was waiting for since our first kiss. It was different this time though. It lasted longer and it was far more urgent. Our bodies collided against the wall, our bodies on fire, unable to move fast enough. He picked me up, as my legs wrapped around his waist. He walked me over to my desk and set me down. His hands fumbled with my blouse as I worked on the buttons on his shirt. I opened his shirt up, so I could see his toned abs. I breathed in as he kissed down my neck. His body pressed harder against me, opening up my legs wider so my skirt shimmed up my waist, revealing my underwear.

I could feel him harden against my thigh, I moaned at the feeling. He continued to kiss down my neck, to my collarbone, between my breasts, covered by my bra. My hands found his hair pulling his face back to my mouth. Feeling his warm tongue slide into my mouth made me shiver. He peeled off my shirt, so I was just in my bra, and suddenly my brain caught up with my hormones. "Wait," I slid my shirt back up my arms. "Vanessa," I said.

His lips stopped immediately, pulling them away from my neck, he looked at me.

"You can't do this to her," I started buttoning my shirt back up. "And I can't either." I got off my desk- or rather the fiery red heads desk. "I love you," I breathed, placing a hand on his cheek. "But I can't be the other girl, I just can't."

I pulled my skirt back down, "I'm sorry," I said before turning around.

He looked stunned and confused, as I picked up my box for the last time. "Goodbye, Toby."

He looked broken-no, shattered. His shirt still open, hair a mess, my lipstick residue all over his neck and chest. He breathed in, looking so unbelievably torn. "What do I do?" he asked me.

"It's your choice," I shrugged as the tear slid down my cheek. "Bye," I said one last time, as I shut the door behind me.

_Line Break_

I looked up at the stars as I walked to my apartment building, "What do I do Nick?"

I remember he used to say to me all the time "Make a wish for every passing car."

I looked around, not a car in-sight. "I am such a mess," I told him.

I felt my whole world crumbling beneath me and all I could do was sit back and watch it happen. I heard a car behind me I turned to look at it, I closed my eyes, and I made a wish.

**A/N: Sorry its so short...**


	11. Chapter 11

**Thank you so much for the reviews! Love you guys!**

**I apologize for any mistakes!**

_She's dancing with strangers, falling apart._

_Waiting for superman to pick her up, in his arms._

_Waiting for Superman._

_-Chris Daughtry_

He chose Vanessa. I can't say I'm surprised, he's been with her for four years. And he's known me for all of a one month? Well two now actually… It's been a month since the very heated desk incident, and it has been the longest month of my life. I see Toby every Wednesday as he comes to observe the work in our department. Most of the time, he ignores my presence. Other days I catch him staring at me. Very few words have been spoken between us, and when they are it's short and painful.

"So the party's this Friday," Hanna casually brought up.

"I know," I kept my focus on the television.

"Are you going?" Hanna wondered.

"I don't know yet," I sighed. "Jared asked me to go with him."

"Jared?" Hanna brightened up. "He's really cute, and smart and funny-"

"I'm not interested Hanna," I shook my head.

"That's what you said about Toby," Hanna reminded me. "Then you guys ended up having sex on your desk."

"We didn't actually have sex Hanna," I rolled my eyes.

"Pretty much," Hanna said under her breath.

"I'm not interested in Jared," I said again.

"Well then why are you thinking about going?" Hanna challenged me.

"I like the people I work with," I shrugged. "It might be fun to hang out with them outside of work."

"You should go then," Hanna nudged me.

I sighed, thinking, "Fine. Help me find something to wear."

_Line Break_

I ended up wearing this sparkly silver dress Hanna lent me. She curled my hair in big waves and did my makeup all fancy. Jared picked me up and we walked into Toby's house together.

It was not what I was expecting at all. I was expecting people to be casually mingling pretending to have a good time. It was like a college party though. Everyone dancing and drinking having a really good time. "Whoa, I was not expecting this," I told Jared.

"I told you," he looked at me with a smile. "He throws this awesome party every year," he laughed. "Probably why it only happens once a year."

I saw Toby across the way, his arm wrapped around Vanessa, who looked gorgeous. "Let's get a drink," I pulled Jared in the opposite direction.

I found the bar and made myself something strong. I drank it pretty fast, waiting for the numbness to kick in.

"That's what I'm talking about," Jared high-fived me. "Spencer Hastings is here to party!" He raised his glass before tipping it back.

I don't know how many drinks I had before Toby walked up to me. "Take it slow," he said under his breath.

"What's it to you?" I drank more.

"I can't take care of you tonight," he said before leaving me.

"Jared!" I yelled. "Let's dance!"

"Ok!" He grabbed my hand, dragging me into the crowd of people.

We danced for a good hour, I never laughed so hard in my life. He was a lot of fun. I wasn't drunk, but I was feeling very relaxed and actually having a good time. I turned around grinding on Jared as he snaked his arms around my waist. I caught Toby looking at us and I didn't even flinch. I just stared him down as my hand reached back finding Jared's neck and pulling it towards mine. He pressed his lips to my neck and I let my eyes roll to the back of my head.

I saw Toby's jaw clench as he took another drink of his beer. He whispered something in Vanessa's ear before he started walking towards me. "Can we talk?" he asked me.

"I'm busy dancing with Jared," I said, keeping my hips rolling with his.

"Just for a minute," he clenched his jaw.

"I want to dance," I complained.

"Fine," he licked his lips. "Then dance with me," he extended his hands.

"Dance with Vanessa," I ignored his offer.

"She doesn't like dancing," He took my hands. "Come on."

"I'll be back Jared," I turned to give him an apologetic look. "Seriously?" I turned back to Toby. "I was having fun!"

"I noticed," he took me to the other side of the dance floor, where Vanessa couldn't see us.

"You are such a buzz kill," I said taking his beer from his hands, chugging the rest.

"Look," he said taking the beer from my hands. "I said I don't have time to take care of you tonight. So quit drinking, quit dancing with Jared, and have someone give you a ride home."

"I don't want to go, I'm having fun," I complained.

"Look," he pulled me closer. "Vanessa is already mad at me. She's been noticing how much I keep looking at you. Don't make it any worse."

"Then stop looking at me," I bit my lip.

"You aren't making that easy," he whispered in my ear.

I placed a hand on his chest, "quit hitting on me and go back to Vanessa." I cocked my head towards Vanessa who was looking at us.

He turned around to look at Vanessa. He very quickly turned back to me, "I mean it Spencer. Sober up and find a ride home." He turned around and walked back to Vanessa putting his arm back around her waist.

"Not a chance," I mumbled to myself. "Jared!" I yelled, finding him at the bar. "I'll have two shots of fireball," I smiled at him.

"That's my girl," he said pouring four shots for the both of us.

_Line Break_

Ok, maybe I was drunk now. I may have kissed Jared three? Four times now? Who knows? I didn't like him that way, but my mind was pretending it was Toby. I hadn't seen him around for a while, maybe he was in his bedroom making love to Vanessa. Or maybe he was hitting on another assistant somewhere else.

"Spencer," I felt a pair of hands tug at my waist.

I rolled my eyes, "Toby, you need to s-stop!" I pushed him.

"You need to stop," he scolded me. "Haven't you had enough?"

"No," I bit my lip. I seductively pushed my body up against his. "I haven't had enough."

"Ok," He pulled my body off of his. He looked around quickly, (I'm guessing for any sign of Vanessa), "Come here."

He pushed me into one of the million rooms. I saw a pool table, "How sexy," I said sitting on the pool table, "This is in like every sex scene in movies," I bit my lip seductively.

"You need to stop," he grabbed my hands. "Vanessa is going to find out."

"It's about time you tell her you've been hooking up with your assistant," I put my arms around his neck.

"We've never hooked up," he reminded me.

"Yeah, if it wasn't for me stopping us," I challenged him.

"I already know I'm a horrible person," he glared at me. "You don't need to remind me."

"Why won't you let me have fun? You get to be with Vanessa, so why can't I be with someone?" I asked.

He thought about that for a second, "Because I can't stand it."

"You think I can stand watching you and Vanessa?" I raised an eyebrow. "Why do you think I'm drunk?"

His lips were suddenly on mine. "Damnit," he said between kisses. "You are like a drug," he said kissing me again. "This dress," he touched the hem of it. "Why'd you wear it?"

"I wanted you to notice me," I admitted.

"You don't need to wear anything for me to notice you," he rubbed my thighs.

I couldn't help but laugh, "do you know how that sounded?"

"Yeah," he shook his head. "I didn't mean it like that."

I pushed his hands off of me, "I already told you, I can't be that girl."

"I know," he frowned.

I got off the pool table, "I'll sober up," I sighed. "But you have to let me move on."

"I know," he swallowed hard.

Before I could open the door he opened up his mouth to say something.

"For the record Spence," he looked at me with so much intensity. "You were never that girl. You mean much more than that."

I nodded slowly, "You have to let me go Toby," I said before going back to the crowd.

**A/N:What'd you think?**


	12. Chapter 12

**Thank you guys so much! I love hearing what you guys have to say, it means a lot to me.**

_Waiting for Superman to lift her up and take her anywhere._

_Show her love, and climbing through the air._

_-Chris Daughtry_

"So how was the party?" Hanna asked, blowing on her coffee.

"It was-" I bit my lip, wondering how I was going to answer that question. "Fine."

"Fine?" She raised an eyebrow. "Tell me everything."

"Basically," I tapped my fingernails on my coffee. "I tried making Toby jealous, I got drunk, he got mad."

"Not really surprised," Hanna admitted. "I think every conversation is like that with you two."

I raised an eyebrow, "What do you mean?"

"Think about it," she shook her head in amusement. "You are either mad at each other, jealous of each other or drunk."

"Not all the time," I rolled my eyes. "We've had some really good times."

"If you say so," Hanna surrendered.

I bit the side of my cheek, "I may have kissed Jared a few times."

"Spencer!" Hanna nearly spit out her coffee.

"And Toby… again," I added.

"Holy sh-" Hanna stopped herself. "I thought you were keeping your distance because of the girlfriend and everything?"

"I am," I clarified. "He kissed me."

"I told you it was going to happen again," Hanna looked proud of herself.

"It didn't mean anything," I said taking a sip of my coffee.

"When are you going to quit lying to yourself?" Hanna rolled her eyes.

"I meant it didn't mean anything to Toby," I sighed. "I think he just sees me as a body, not a person."

"I doubt it," Hanna shook her head.

"How do you know?" I leaned my head into my hand.

"I think he would've given up on you by now," Hanna shrugged. "Plus, I don't think he would be as jealous as he is if you were nothing but a body to him. He cares about what happens to you."

"I don't know about that," I said quietly.

_Line Break_

I worked in the packaging and labeling department. Right now I was focusing on making sure that every product was labeled correctly. Not exactly exciting, but very time consuming. Today was Wednesday, which meant Toby was going to be working with us making sure everything was being run smoothly.

I noticed him looking at me over and over again. It wasn't like usual where he would look away or get all embarrassed. It was like he was trying to get my attention. There was no way I was going to give him the time of day though.

I kept my attention on my clipboard, checking of every item as I passed by it.

"How's it going?" Toby came up in front of me.

I jumped back a little, at his sudden closeness. "Uh- fine," I brushed past him.

"Can I help you?" He offered.

"Don't you have better things to do?" I grabbed a box of the shelf throwing it in the box marked mislabeled.

"Not really," he moved closer to me. "I thought we could talk, maybe?"

"I'm busy," I pretended to be focused on what was in front of me.

"I'm giving you permission to take a break," he tried again.

"No thanks," I kept moving forward.

"Fine," I thought he finally gave up. He grabbed my arm, keeping me from moving forward, "I'm demanding that you take a break and talk to me."

"Or what?" I glared at him.

"Or," he paused, "You're fired."

I rolled my eyes, "That's not a legitimate reason to fire someone, for one. And two… You couldn't fire me."

"Say's who?" He smiled.

"You don't have the heart to fire me," I walked away from him, head held high.

_Line Break_

I sat in the break room eating my lunch alone, enjoying the silence. That was until Toby barged in with a big annoying smile on his face. "I thought I might find you here," he said sitting next to me.

"Yeah well," I put the rest of my lunch back in the fridge. "I'm done now."

"Not so fast," he moved in front of the door before I could escape. "Let me talk."

"There's nothing to discuss," I was beginning to get frustrated. "Its over!" I threw my hands up. "You and Vanessa are meant to be together! I am moving on from it, so please just leave me alone so I can let it g-"

"Vanessa and I are done," he interrupted me.

I dropped my arms, thrown off guard. "What?"

"We broke up," he explained. "After the party."

"Why?" I crossed my arms.

"I told her the truth," he sighed. "About everything that happened between us."

I sat down in the nearest chair, "H-how'd she take it?" My heart was breaking for her.

His face went back in time, "Not well. She was-" he looked at me. "She was very shocked and-" he sat down next to me. "She was devastated."

I felt the tears well in my eyes. "How could I do this to someone? I feel awful," I grabbed at my chest, feeling like it was on fire. "She must be so-"

"Spencer," he placed a hand on my knee. "This is my fault, not yours."

"But I-"

"No," he shook his head. "I tried justifying what we did. But deep down I know… I know I should've never kissed you. Or I should've broken things off with Vanessa when I started falling for you."

I looked at his face as it started to distort into what looked like the most hopeless thing. He looked sad and frustrated and- I couldn't figure out the last one.

"I feel sick to my stomach, when I think about what I did to her," his eyes filled with tears. "I feel sick thinking about how I made you feel about the whole thing. Spencer," he looked at me. "When you told me you didn't want to be that girl, that- that broke my heart. I never wanted you to feel that way."

"I know," I nodded.

"We were supposed to get married and have kids," he said looking off into space.

My gut twisted as I saw the hurt in his eyes. "I'm sorry," I burst. The flood gates opened and my chest started convulse with sobs. I felt the guilt kick in for both Vanessa and Toby. "This is all my fault," I continued. "I never should have even applied for thi-s j-job," my chest felt like it was having a seizure. My sobbing was uncontrollable.

"Don't," I felt his arms pull me onto his lap. "Don't do that," he pulled my head into his chest. "I can't bare the thought of hurting you more than I already have. No one should carry the guilt except for me."

I felt safe in his arms. But that only made me feel worse. I thought about Vanessa sitting at home, crying in her bed all alone. And here I was in the arms of her boyfriend- ex boyfriend being comforted for being a liar and a cheater. The sobs only got stronger and louder, with that thought.

"Baby," he whispered. "Please stop crying," I heard his voice crack. "I can't handle it."

Baby. Hearing him call me that made my heart stop. It was horrible to feel this way when Vanessa was hurting. But I couldn't help it.

After I calmed down and was able to see clearly, I sat up.

Toby looked at me, wiping the tear stains off my cheeks.

I was still sitting on his lap, "Part of me wants to kiss you."

He smiled, "I know, me too."

"But-" I looked down. "It doesn't feel right."

Silence. It was amazing how just minutes ago, silence was so beautiful. But now, in this moment it was deafening.

"We can't be together Toby," I felt my chest rise and fall. "We- we," I took a deep breath. "We are just going to end up destroying each other."

"Spencer I wouldn't do that," he tried holding on to me.

"We will," I promised him. "And it would be so much easier to just let go of each other now, Because-" I sniffled, "If I kiss you one more time, I won't be able to let you go."

"Spencer," Toby started.

"Please," I stopped him. "If you really love me, you'll let me go."

"I can't let you go," he sounded even worse than before.

I had to hurt him, or he wouldn't let this go. "You already hurt me enough Toby. It's only a matter of time before you do it again, so just let me go."

His eyes filled with more tears, this time they spilt over. He clenched his jaw, unable to say anything except, "I'm sorry, I never meant to hurt you."

"I know," I bit my cheek so hard I could taste blood. "Go back to Vanessa. Fight for her."

"I don't want-" he started shaking his head. "I don't want her, I want you."

I wiped the tears from my face and took a deep breathe, "You won't be seeing me anymore Toby. I think it's truly best if I find another job and get away from this city." Before he could stop me, I got up and practically ran. I ran, and I ran until I was far away. Far away from work, far away from Toby, far away from myself.

**A/N: I promise there is a light at the end of the tunnel...**


	13. Chapter 13

**Thank you for the reviews! There will be two more chapters after this.**

_Save her now, before its too late tonight._

_Oh, like a speeding light. And she smiles._

_-Chris Daughtry_

It had been three weeks since we last spoke. I left that day and never went back-I couldn't. I had been job searching non stop for places far away from here. I finally found a decent job that was 45 minutes away. I was going to move closer so that it wasn't a far drive-and so I didn't have to deal with running into him time and time again.

"You are seriously leaving me?" Hanna sat on my bed watching me clean out the last of my things.

I laughed lightly, "You'll still see me, Han."

"Not like now," she whined.

I tapped my last box, carrying it to my door. "I promise I will at least try to come down here every few weeks."

"Few weeks?" Hanna went bug eyed. "That's ridiculous!"

"Then you come see me if that's too long," I sighed. "Will you help me bring my last two boxes down to my car?"

She sighed, picking up the smaller of the two boxes, "fine."

"Thank you," I said closing the door behind us.

I put the boxes in my backseat and shut the door.

"Alright," I turned to Hanna. "I'm going to do one last sweep to make sure I got everything."

"I should get going," Hanna shrugged. "Call me when you get to your new place?"

"Sure," I gave her a quick hug.

"I'll miss you," Hanna sighed.

"Han," I rolled my eyes. "I'm going to be forty-five minutes away, I'm not moving across the country!"

"Still," Hanna bit her lip. "I really have to go though," Hanna hugged me one more time. "Bye."

"Bye," I tried smiling the best I could.

_Line Break_

I walked through my apartment, going through each room making sure I got everything. I stood in the middle of my bedroom, feeling an achy feeling in my heart begin to start. I didn't want to go-but it was the best decision for myself.

"Looks so different in here," I heard a voice.

I whipped around to see Toby. "Toby, w-what are you doing here?"

"Hanna told me you were leaving today," he stepped closer to me.

"Oh," I looked down. "That doesn't really answer my question though."

"I'm here because," he opened his mouth, but no words were coming out. "I've been feeling pretty empty I guess. At first-" he swallowed hard. "At first I thought it was because Vanessa and I broke up-but" he looked at me, walking closer to me. "You're the only thing that's been on my mind since then."

"Toby," I stepped away from him. "I'm leaving-for good."

"I know that," he nodded slowly. "I didn't come here to beg you to stay, or to ask for your forgiveness. I just-" he paused for a moment. "Needed to see you one more time."

I looked around, not sure what to say. "I really have to go," I finally spoke.

"Ok," he nodded again. He didn't move, he just stood there.

"That means you have to leave too," I sighed.

"You aren't taking your bed with you?" he sat down on it, ignoring my request.

I sighed, "The movers are getting it tomorrow." I waited for him to say something or leave. "Seriously Toby, I have to go."

"What are you going to sleep on tonight?" his eyebrows crinkled in confusion.

"I don't know? The floor I guess," I looked at him like he was crazy. "I'm leaving, so if you are going to stay, be my guest. It's not my place anymore." I turned around to leave.

"Spencer wait," I felt his hand wrap around my wrist and tug me towards him. "You can't go."

"I have to," I towered over him. I was now standing between his legs, my wrists still captured by his hands.

"I love you," he looked up at me. "And damnit, if I have to fight for you I will."

"Toby," I said exhausted.

"No," he shook his head. "Don't do that. Don't push me away! You keep doing that to me! I know you love me, and I sure as hell love you. So why not fight for that?" He looked at me with anger in his eyes. "I know that we started off wrong. I wish I could take back what I did to you and to Vanessa, but I can't." His eye glistened with tears, "I'm not letting you leave until you admit that we are meant to be together."

I sighed, unsure of what to say. He was right, I did love him. "I'm scared," I trembled.

"Me too," he brushed his thumb along my cheek. "But I'm even more scared of losing you."

I relaxed my head into his hand, closing my eyes. "What if we don't work an-"

"We will," he assured me. "I know it."

"Like you knew with Vanessa?" I looked at him.

"No," he shook his head. "I said we were supposed to get married and have kids. Because after you've been with someone for four years, that's only expected. Why do you think I never proposed to her? I had the money. I just never had that gut feeling that it was meant to be." He pulled me down so I was sitting on his lap, "I have that feeling with you. That we are meant to be. I just have to get you to see that."

"I do see that," I whispered into his neck.

I felt him relax a little, "Please don't go." He pulled my face to his, "don't leave me."

"I already have a place I can't jus-"

"I'll buy you out of your contract," he shook his head.

"Toby," I shook my head.

"Live with me," he offered.

"Are you crazy?!" I nearly laughed at him. "We haven't even started dating yet!"

"I don't care," he smiled. "If crazy is what this is," he intertwined our fingers. "Then I want to be completely insane."

I looked at him for moment, debating. "I don't know…" I trailed off.

"You can trust me, I'll take care of you, I promise," his hands rested on my waist. "I'm superman," he smiled at me.

I couldn't help but smile back at him. I finally caved, and pressed my lips to his. It was just like I expected. It was enough for me to forget about everything and everyone, except us. The way he kissed me it was like… like it was the last time we would ever kiss. He cherished every second of it.

"So is that a yes?" he smiled into my mouth.

I grumbled against his lips, "This is crazy."

"So you'll move in with me?" He smiled

"No," I shook my head. "But…" I walked over to my door and closed it. I walked back to him. "I will stay."

His smile widened as I straddled his lap, "I love you too, by the way," I said before kissing him.

Clothes were shed, names were moaned, and love was made.

**A/N: Are you happy now?**


	14. Chapter 14

**Thank you guys so much, I love your feedback! **

**Only one more chapter after this, I hope you enjoy it.**

_She's talking to angels, she's counting the stars._

_Making a wish on a passing car._

_She's dancing with strangers, falling apart._

_Waiting for superman to pick her up, in his arms._

_-Chris Daughtry_

1 month later

"Hey baby," Toby looked up from his computer, smiling at me.

"Hi," I walked up to his side of the desk. "I just wanted to see if you wanted to get lunch together." I sat down on his lap.

"Of course," He pecked my lips. "I really miss you being my assistant by the way."

"What?! Jessica is doing awesome!" I referred to the fiery redhead.

"She is," he agreed. "But…" his voice got seductive. "I miss seeing you every second of every day."

"But it's so much more fun when we haven't seen each other all day," I winked at him.

"True," he chuckled.

"Plus, I like my manager position you gave me so much more," I admitted.

"Why? Because you don't have to work with me everyday?" He frowned.

"No," I shook my head. "Because I get to be bossy. And I like being bossy."

"I'm sure you do," he rolled his eyes playfully. "As long as I don't have a ton of people quitting because of you…"

"Hey!" I smacked him in the chest lightly. "Everyone loves me."

He laughed softly, "I know they do."

"Hi Spencer," Jessica smiled at me as she walked up to Toby's desk. "I got you your coffee and those files you asked for."

"Thanks Jessica," Toby grabbed the files, putting them in his desk drawer.

"What now?" She asked.

"Can you send out an email to the staff postponing our team meeting until next Friday? Oh and don't forget about the paperwork I need filed from last weeks shipment," he added.

"Got it," she turned back around.

"Oh and also could you organize the break room when you get the chance? It was a disaster last time I was in there," Toby asked.

She looked like she was having a hard time remembering everything, "Y-yeah, I got it."

"Jessica," I stopped her. "If he's giving you too much, just tell him." I said as my fingers stroked through his hair. "He can be so bossy sometimes."

"Ok," she half smiled.

"You're doing good Jessica," Toby yelled out before she left. Toby turned to look at me, "I'm not that bossy am I?"

"You can't just shout out a bunch of orders, expecting her to remember everything," I scolded him. "She's quick, she will come to you when she's ready for more."

"Yes ma'am," he raised an eyebrow at me. "I forgot…" He pretended to be confused. "Who is the boss? Oh right! Me."

"Hey," I pretended to surrender. "I'm just trying to help you out."

"Mhm," he half smiled. He put his hands on my waist pushing me up off his lap, "lets go get some lunch."

"I get to pick where we go," I told him.

"You picked last time," he glared at me.

"You wanted Chinese just as bad as me, so that doesn't count," I smiled at him.

"Fine," he rolled his eyes, shoving me out the door.

_Line Break_

I rolled over, tangled in Toby's sheets. "Good morning handsome."

Toby grumbled, turning his head away from me.

"Toby Cavanaugh!" I straddled his naked body. "It is ten o'clock, it's time to wake up already!"

"I'm tired," he said, eyes still closed.

I started kissing his chest, trying a different approach to waking him up. "Please," I begged between kisses.

One of his eyes opened, looking at me. "We stayed up so late last night," he grumbled.

"I'd hardly call one in the morning that late," I kissed his chest again.

"It is when you're up all night fu-"

"Toby!" I sat up, the covers falling from my naked body.

"Well," Toby looked me up and down. "Good morning beautiful."

"Would you quit staring at me while I'm naked," I glared at him. "It's not very polite."

"You didn't have a problem with it last night," he winked.

"You are naughty," I laid down next to him, covering myself up again.

Toby pulled me onto his chest, wrapping his arms around me. "Mmm," He sighed in content. "I love you."

"I love you too," I turned my head to kiss him.

We laid there for a while staring at each other. "Can I ask you something?" Toby finally spoke.

"Yeah," I nodded.

"When you started working for me…" He started. "You seemed-I don't know?" He searched my eyes. "Broken, I guess."

"I was," I swallowed.

"I've always wondered why?" He thought aloud. "Back then, we didn't know each other well enough for me to ask."

"And you are asking now?" I gulped.

"Yeah," he nodded.

"Well," I sat up a little so I could see him better. "When I was in high school I met him. His name was Nick, and we were madly in love. He proposed to me when I was nineteen and we were supposed to get married."

I watched as Toby's eyes shifted down.

"We got in this big fight one day and I left really upset with him. He went chasing after me and…" I gulped back the lump in my throat. "He ran a red light."

Toby looked back up at me, searching my eyes for the rest of the story.

"He died instantly," I bit the inside of my cheek. "I've never been able to forgive myself."

"Spence," he sat up, so we were level with each other. "It's not your fault. You can't carry around this guilt."

"But I do," I sighed. "Promise me something?"

"Anything," he grabbed my hand.

"No matter how mad we are at each other… We have to make up with each other. We have to say I love you. Because…" I leaned my head on his shoulder. "I wish those were the last words I said to him."

"I promise," he kissed the top of my head.

"Life's too short," I breathed. "We have to say I love you every chance we get."

"I love you," he breathed.

"I love you too," I kissed his shoulder.

"Nick," he said against my hair. "Nick Everson?"

I slowly peeled away from him, looking up at him. "Yeah. How'd you know?"

"He um… This is going to sound crazy," he shook his head.

"Tell me," I sat up a little taller.

"Well I was good friends with Jake. You know Jake right?" He looked at me.

"Jake Wallace, Yes," I nodded. "That was his best friend."

"Well I met Jake in college, so I've hung out with Nick a couple of times," He looked off into space. "I guess when you said Nick and he died in a car accident I put it together."

"That is weird," I whispered.

"It gets weirder," he looked at me.

"Why?" I gulped.

"The last time I saw him… We were at a bar. We were talking about life and everything. He showed me a picture of the two of you," He squinted his eyes like he was trying to remember the details. "I don't know how I didn't put it together. You looked different."

"Well the picture was probably taken a long time ago…" I trailed off.

"I remember him talking about you like… he called you his angel," He looked so lost.

"Toby… What's wrong?" I asked worried.

"Spence…" He looked at me. "He said to take care of you."

"What?" I looked at him confused. "What do you mean?"

"I was drunk… I was at the bar. I had just heard about his death. I remember talking to him. But he wasn't really there," He looked around his room like he was searching for something. He quickly got up, throwing on his boxers. He was gone for a few minutes, before he came back. The look on his face… It was like he had seen a ghost.

"I remember bits and pieces of that night. But mostly I was too drunk to remember them. I thought I was hallucinating…"

"Toby…" I shook my head in confusion.

"I woke up the next morning in my bed. This picture…" He handed me the picture. "Was in my hands."

I looked at the picture. It was of Nick and me, when we were in high school. "What? Is this a joke?"

"No," he shook his head. "I swear. I don't-I… I never looked at the picture again. I was so freaked out, I shoved it away in a drawer and never looked at it again."

"So… You think," I clutched the picture in my hand.

"I don't know what to think…" He admitted. "But when he said take care of her, those words rang in my head for months."

I pulled Toby down to me, so we were in a tangled ball. We both held on tight to each other, unsure what to think.

"Are you sure it was after he died?" I mumbled.

"Positive," I nodded. "I know it sounds crazy but-"

"No," I shook my head. "This picture… He was the only one who had it. I really wanted my own copy, but he never got the time to make another. He always kept it in his wallet." I looked at it again. "When he died… I asked the police for his wallet. And when I got it… It was gone."

"Spencer," Toby looked at me with concern.

"You know," I looked at the picture. "He was always my guardian angel." I looked at Toby. "But you… You have always been my superman."

Toby smiled, "I was just waiting to save you."

"And you have," I kissed him. "More than once."

**A/N: So I know this is very supernatural... I hope it came across the I wanted it too. Hopefully you guys liked it, (I just wanted to try something different). Was it stupid?**


	15. Chapter 15

**Thank you guys so so so much for this journey. I'm glad people liked this story, even though it wasn't my best (in my opinion). This is the last chapter and I hope you are satisfied with how it ends.**

**Also I was asked if I will be writing another story... and the answer is YES! I've been working on it for a few weeks now and I hope to upload it next Friday! It will be called I Always Will. So keep an eye out, because I can't wait to share it with you.**

4 years later…

"Hey," I smiled as I walked into our house.

"Hi," he walked over to me, placing a tender kiss on my cheek. "What'd you get?" He noticed my shopping bags.

"Just some clothes," I shrugged. "So guess who I ran into?" I said, setting down my bags on the couch.

"Who?" He sat down.

"Vanessa," I sat down beside him.

"Oh," he looked caught off guard. "H-how is she?"

"She seemed really happy," I remember seeing her big smile. "She was pregnant."

"Really?" He looked surprised. "Good for her," he looked genuinely happy.

"Yeah," I agreed. "She was with her new husband shopping for baby clothes."

"Crazy," he shook his head. "Did she ask about us?"

"Yeah," I nodded. "When I told her we got married last summer, she seemed happy for us."

"That's good," he looked relieved. "So she didn't get angry or anything?"

"No," I shook my head. "And when her husband went to check out, she told me she was glad everything worked out the way it did…" I cleared my throat. "She said she loved you, but she always knew deep down there was something out there better for her. And better for you."

"I'm glad she's not… You know- bitter about everything," He looked at me. "I wouldn't blame her though, if she still hated me."

"I don't think she does," I said honestly. "It was strange," I admitted. "But it makes me feel a lot better knowing she's moved on."

"Me too," he sighed in relief. "Come here," he pulled me to his chest so I could rest my head on his shoulder.

I twirled his wedding band with my free hand. "Did you ever think you would be married to your assistant?" I smiled.

"You mean ex-assistant?" He joked.

I rolled my eyes, "Whatever."

"No," he sighed. "No I never thought I would meet a girl as amazing as you."

I blushed as he kissed my forehead, "What'd you do today?"

"I fixed the lock on the back door," he intertwined our fingers. "Then I booked us a trip for Hawaii next week."

"What?" I pushed away from him, so I could look at him. "Why?"

"Well I figured it's our anniversary an-"

"No its not," I gave him a funny look. "Toby, we got married three months ago, it's no-"

"I meant, it's the anniversary of when you started working for me. It's the anniversary of the beginning of us," he smiled at me, resting his hand under my chin.

"Toby," I leaned into his touch. "Are we going to celebrate every little detail of our relationship," I made fun of him.

"Maybe," he kissed the tip of my nose.

"You are unbelievable," I shook my head. I leaned in for a kiss, my arms circling his neck.

Without hesitation, or effort, he scooped me up carrying me upstairs.

"Where are you taking me?" I giggled.

He didn't answer me, he just kept walking towards our bedroom. He set me down, once we passed the door way. He looked at me, like he was waiting for me to say something.

"What?" I eyed him suspiciously.

"Notice anything different?" He moved his head to the left.

I followed his gaze. "What?" I noticed a door, that wasn't there this morning. "What's this?"

"While you were out, I had some help," He scratched the back of his head.

"But why?" I wondered.

"Go see for yourself," he smiled.

I walked to the set of French doors, opening them up. I already knew what was on the other side. It was one of our guest bedrooms. I was very surprised to see that it was empty though. "Where did everything go?"

"I gave everything to Goodwill," he shrugged.

"Why?" I looked at him confused. "Are you going crazy?"

"No," he came up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist, burying his head in my neck. He laid a few kisses on my neck. "I figured, it would be faster to get to this room with these doors. Rather than going out into the hallway."

"We never use this room," I scrunched my eyebrows. "Why would I need to get to it faster?"

"I was thinking," he swayed back and forth lightly, still holding tightly on my waist. "It would be nice when our baby is crying and we need to get to him or her faster, we can use these doors."

I spun around in his arms to face him. "How do you even know if I want kids?" I smiled at him.

"Oh please," He smirked. "I saw you practically drooling over Hanna and Caleb's baby when we went to visit them in the hospital."

"He was cute," I wrapped my arms around his neck.

"He was," he agreed. "I was thinking…" He searched my eyes. "What if we use Nicholas for our boys middle name?"

I felt the lump rise in my throat, "It's perfect." I kissed him sweetly, "What about Marion for our girls middle name?"

A huge smile spread wide across his face, "I love it."

"I love you," I responded quickly.

"I love you," he looked deeper into my eyes. "So is that a yes, to the kids question?"

"Well since you already put in the doors," I joked.

He rolled his eyes at my sarcasm, "What do you say?"

"I say…" I pulled him by his belt loops back to our bedroom. "We better get started right now."

"Now?" He looked surprised.

"Unless you'd rather do something else?" I bit my lip.

"No," He shook his head, connecting our lips. "Now is good."

**A/N: Super short, but sweet. Love you guys!**


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